That’s Where She Lies.. Broken Inside.

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She is sitting in her room. Memories flashing in her head at the speed of light. She remembers how she used to be. How it all started. How everything was in it’s place. The first time she ever felt the power of love.

She had friends to die for, and she loved them dearly. She might not be a genius, but she was good at what she did. She was ready to take up any task head-on, and she used to complete it amazingly. She put in hundred percent of her efforts. She hardly disappointed anyone. She could do anything for her friends. She had a flamboyant nature, very happy-go-lucky, bubbly, and made friends very easily. So cute, that you could almost fall in love with her. And she had warmth. Infinite warmth. Her smile was infectious, she was told that a lot. She was caring, and would do anything to bring a smile on anybody’s face. She had an amazing attitude. Not everybody understood that. She wasn’t just like any other. You would know, if you knew her.

One thing about her, she never gave up on anything and anyone. She was never afraid to give anyone a chance. And it was just impossible to break her. No matter what life shoved right into her face, she never gave up. She gave joy to others, even if she couldn’t brighten her own day.

Still she had walls built around her. Not everybody was allowed to come through those. She had been hurt enough. “I won’t let myself be hurt anymore. I won’t give anybody a chance to do that to me, again”, she said. But, For how long can you let the past hold you back? So she let it go, one more time.

And then it happened. This guy. He wanted nothing more than a smile on her face. Nothing else. Her scars ran deep, and he longed to touch the ones on her heart. He listened to her. Understood her ache, her pain. Gradually, he broke apart the walls around her, made her stand again. She could believe, again. She could breathe, again. She felt free, again. He believed in her, like no one else did. He reminded her of a simpler time when trusting people was easy. He loved her despite her past. Soon, it became impossible to live without him. There was a sudden urge to hear his voice early in the morning. The nights were sleepless, if his voice wasn’t the last thing she listened to. In his eyes, she found all the missing fragments.

HE MADE HER HAPPY. The best thing that had EVER happened to her. But was it right? There were a million reasons holding her back. In being afraid to love him, she fell in love with him. It was LOVE. Love, like she could never imagine. She never knew she could feel so strongly about someone. That fire in her. How one moment without him, made her wanna kill herself.

She still remembers. Remembers, how it was like to be with him. They were inseparable. He took her away from this cruel world. He taught her to rise above the small things. Taught her to become a better person.  Loved her. Loved her so much. His words healed all her wounds. She found solace in him. Breaking all the rules, they fell in love. They forgot the world.

A love so intense and fierce, that it burned them. She was the purpose of his life. He was her life.

And then suddenly everything started to fall apart.

Please don’t go, PLEASE. Everybody leaves. Not you too. Iloveyou. You promised you are here to stay !, she begged.

It’s just not meant be. We can’t do this. Iloveyoutoo baby. So much, that it hurts. Don’t ever hate me. Just trust me, you’re the only girl I’ve ever fallen in love with. You’re still the one..you always were. You knew it’s gonna happen someday. Forgive me, My love. , he whispered.

Then why can’t we be together? I want to keep you forever. Am I not good enough for you? I will love you so much that no woman would ever be good enough for you !“, she cried some more.

No woman is. You are MY LOVE. But, we just can’t be. Baby, you know how it is. I promise I’ll always to there, to look after you.  He kissed her on her forehead. More tears.

She could not ask any more questions. She was choked.  Deep inside, she knew this was coming. She knew what she was getting into. She knew loving someone is a scary thing to do. She knew it had to end. She knew all of it. She couldn’t imagine how life would be without him. Dead. Hollow. All these thoughts rummaging through her head at such a fast speed. She was almost about to faint. He grabbed her firmly.

In another life maybe…

She came back to the place where she started from. Torn. Hurt. Unbearable pain.

His words echoing in her head, deafening her. Her world turned upside down. The girl who could never be broken, broke. The girl who never lost hope, had lost all of it. She lost herself. Her heart ached. Darkness engulfed her.  And then it finally settled in her head, He was not coming back. How was it not meant to be? She loved him. She LOVES him. Loves him like no one else EVER can. He’s a part of her. She was scared. Frightened. What if this was her only chance at love?

They were sitting so close. The only sound that could be heard, was the sound of their deep breaths. Tears were rolling down their cheeks. He kissed her softly. She exploded into little butterflies, as his tongue met hers. His warm kisses, igniting her every nerve with a fiery passion. She pushed  him away. She just couldn’t do it. She looked at him, his eyes were closed, but she could see the pain on his face. The pain of having lost her. His hands crawling on her back, giving her goosebumps. His one hand on her face, caressing her cheeks. Handling her so gently, scared that she might break. Her fragrance driving him crazy. They were crazy for each other. When they were together, the time seemed to stop. That urgency to love each other. To make each other feel. All she wanted was to bury herself in his arms, and just stay there forever.

And then she kissed him back. She held him so tight, scarring his arms. Their warm bodies touching each other. They loved each other like they never did before, reaching out to each other for the last time. All they wanted was, this moment to never end. And together they were lost. For. One. Last. Time….

She came to life, with a knock on her door. Coming, mom !

She got up from her bed, took one last look at herself in the mirror. There was rage, and in that rage, there was pain. She looked at how much she had changed. The smile on her face was lost. She hurriedly dried the tears, and left the room.

It’s been sooo long, Come Back ?

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8 comments

  1. katrinalabra · October 14, 2012

    Loved every bit of it!

    KatrinaLabra (This is clickable)

    • tanyagarg · October 15, 2012

      Thank you so very much Katrina ! 😉

  2. Himanshu Narula · October 18, 2012

    You’ll touch the sky one day ! You are so awesome even you don’t know that :*

    • tanyagarg · October 22, 2012

      Thank you so much Maanshu :* . Just be there always. 🙂

  3. Mridula Narayanan · October 18, 2012

    Touchy !

    • tanyagarg · October 22, 2012

      It feels good to know that my writing had such an impact on someone. 🙂

  4. Anonymous · February 12, 2013

    Its actually good, though a bit confusing at the end. 🙂

    • tanyagarg · February 20, 2013

      Well, it’s not for people to understand. Most of them wouldn’t.

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