Love(s) Me Not.

I always laughed at people
who fell in love, and
also broke up some time later.
Like love was a weapon
which could destroy the
intertwining of two hearts,
like it could be the sole reason why
you would feel empty when it left,
like it could fly away from
in between two people.
No way, the love
never goes away.
Little did I know that
the joke was on me, and
I felt like this till
a boy I loved, told me I was
all he ever needed,
told me I was his world, lured me into
his magnificent existence, and that
he would love me forever, but
I didn’t know forever
lasts so soon, and
that I was not enough,
enough to make him swoon,
he crushed my heart
in his hands, leaving me to
bleed, My whole world shook,
I tried to get up on my feet,
and fell again, everything
felt bizarre and haphazard, as if
someone had hit me in my knees.
I don’t know what
went wrong, I always
believed our love was strong.
“We’ll be best friends”, he said.
How could I tell him that
unlike other things, life
does not come
with an undo button.
And if it did, there would be
no past, present or future.
Just us making the same
mistakes, over
and over. And that this
path to friendship
is now slightly rotten.
That when I chose him, I
forgot the whole world altogether.
That his eyes made me
want to kiss him, and the
touch of his lips on my skin,
made me miss him. When he
is around, the flowers in my
secret garden bloom, and
when he leaves
its feels like the night
without her moon, that
I was ready to dive into
the depths of his heart, or
ready to fall in some void
with a home to call
only ours. I wish
I could make him see, how
happy we could be, if
only he hadn’t been so stubborn,
to let go of his rules.
“We can’t be together”, he said,
pushing me in a puddle of gloom.
I tried to make him see, that
Life itself is a huge maze, and
that falling in this trap wouldn’t
have made him a slave. However
he was being a slave of
his own drama, and now
because of this, my life
is no less than a trauma. Whenever,
His name flashes on my phone, I
can feel my heart shattering
for the millionth time, as I
have got nothing to
say, except just whine.
My mind has drifted into pieces, and
I cannot think as whole.

I told you that
you were the only person
who could get me, whom I
would love to call mine, I told
you I would stay, to
always make you smile. You
had other plans, I
said I don’t mind. But
you’re kind of stepping on my heart, and
your shoes are all sharp,
leaving deep scars, which
is not at all fine.
I wait for you
to say something,
something which will make
me stay, but it’s been
years, and the foundation, now
has been frayed. But I do
have a question in
my mind, I want to stop
myself from asking, But then
I thought in my fragmented
space, What would I
get in life to be
so scared, to fear my
own self in a world
where anybody hardly cares, I can
hear shards of glass rattle in
my broken heart as I go
ahead and ask,

“When two people decide
to leave each other, where
does the love go?”

And that’s when I realised,
it’s not a joke anymore.


That’s Where She Lies.. Broken Inside.


She is sitting in her room. Memories flashing in her head at the speed of light. She remembers how she used to be. How it all started. How everything was in it’s place. The first time she ever felt the power of love.

She had friends to die for, and she loved them dearly. She might not be a genius, but she was good at what she did. She was ready to take up any task head-on, and she used to complete it amazingly. She put in hundred percent of her efforts. She hardly disappointed anyone. She could do anything for her friends. She had a flamboyant nature, very happy-go-lucky, bubbly, and made friends very easily. So cute, that you could almost fall in love with her. And she had warmth. Infinite warmth. Her smile was infectious, she was told that a lot. She was caring, and would do anything to bring a smile on anybody’s face. She had an amazing attitude. Not everybody understood that. She wasn’t just like any other. You would know, if you knew her.

One thing about her, she never gave up on anything and anyone. She was never afraid to give anyone a chance. And it was just impossible to break her. No matter what life shoved right into her face, she never gave up. She gave joy to others, even if she couldn’t brighten her own day.

Still she had walls built around her. Not everybody was allowed to come through those. She had been hurt enough. “I won’t let myself be hurt anymore. I won’t give anybody a chance to do that to me, again”, she said. But, For how long can you let the past hold you back? So she let it go, one more time.

And then it happened. This guy. He wanted nothing more than a smile on her face. Nothing else. Her scars ran deep, and he longed to touch the ones on her heart. He listened to her. Understood her ache, her pain. Gradually, he broke apart the walls around her, made her stand again. She could believe, again. She could breathe, again. She felt free, again. He believed in her, like no one else did. He reminded her of a simpler time when trusting people was easy. He loved her despite her past. Soon, it became impossible to live without him. There was a sudden urge to hear his voice early in the morning. The nights were sleepless, if his voice wasn’t the last thing she listened to. In his eyes, she found all the missing fragments.

HE MADE HER HAPPY. The best thing that had EVER happened to her. But was it right? There were a million reasons holding her back. In being afraid to love him, she fell in love with him. It was LOVE. Love, like she could never imagine. She never knew she could feel so strongly about someone. That fire in her. How one moment without him, made her wanna kill herself.

She still remembers. Remembers, how it was like to be with him. They were inseparable. He took her away from this cruel world. He taught her to rise above the small things. Taught her to become a better person.  Loved her. Loved her so much. His words healed all her wounds. She found solace in him. Breaking all the rules, they fell in love. They forgot the world.

A love so intense and fierce, that it burned them. She was the purpose of his life. He was her life.

And then suddenly everything started to fall apart.

Please don’t go, PLEASE. Everybody leaves. Not you too. Iloveyou. You promised you are here to stay !, she begged.

It’s just not meant be. We can’t do this. Iloveyoutoo baby. So much, that it hurts. Don’t ever hate me. Just trust me, you’re the only girl I’ve ever fallen in love with. You’re still the always were. You knew it’s gonna happen someday. Forgive me, My love. , he whispered.

Then why can’t we be together? I want to keep you forever. Am I not good enough for you? I will love you so much that no woman would ever be good enough for you !“, she cried some more.

No woman is. You are MY LOVE. But, we just can’t be. Baby, you know how it is. I promise I’ll always to there, to look after you.  He kissed her on her forehead. More tears.

She could not ask any more questions. She was choked.  Deep inside, she knew this was coming. She knew what she was getting into. She knew loving someone is a scary thing to do. She knew it had to end. She knew all of it. She couldn’t imagine how life would be without him. Dead. Hollow. All these thoughts rummaging through her head at such a fast speed. She was almost about to faint. He grabbed her firmly.

In another life maybe…

She came back to the place where she started from. Torn. Hurt. Unbearable pain.

His words echoing in her head, deafening her. Her world turned upside down. The girl who could never be broken, broke. The girl who never lost hope, had lost all of it. She lost herself. Her heart ached. Darkness engulfed her.  And then it finally settled in her head, He was not coming back. How was it not meant to be? She loved him. She LOVES him. Loves him like no one else EVER can. He’s a part of her. She was scared. Frightened. What if this was her only chance at love?

They were sitting so close. The only sound that could be heard, was the sound of their deep breaths. Tears were rolling down their cheeks. He kissed her softly. She exploded into little butterflies, as his tongue met hers. His warm kisses, igniting her every nerve with a fiery passion. She pushed  him away. She just couldn’t do it. She looked at him, his eyes were closed, but she could see the pain on his face. The pain of having lost her. His hands crawling on her back, giving her goosebumps. His one hand on her face, caressing her cheeks. Handling her so gently, scared that she might break. Her fragrance driving him crazy. They were crazy for each other. When they were together, the time seemed to stop. That urgency to love each other. To make each other feel. All she wanted was to bury herself in his arms, and just stay there forever.

And then she kissed him back. She held him so tight, scarring his arms. Their warm bodies touching each other. They loved each other like they never did before, reaching out to each other for the last time. All they wanted was, this moment to never end. And together they were lost. For. One. Last. Time….

She came to life, with a knock on her door. Coming, mom !

She got up from her bed, took one last look at herself in the mirror. There was rage, and in that rage, there was pain. She looked at how much she had changed. The smile on her face was lost. She hurriedly dried the tears, and left the room.

It’s been sooo long, Come Back ?